there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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