Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
