she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I only lived at night.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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