just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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