My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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