Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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