So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
