Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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