he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
