I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
