Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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