I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
