you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
