I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
