she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
