It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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