So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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