i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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