I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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