ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
