Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
