Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
