$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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