dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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