i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
