you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
