May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
