This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
