he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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