wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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