Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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