Porn is love you can see.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
