I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
God, I missed his penis.
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