I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
