why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
