Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
