I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
