Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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