Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
