I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
