this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
