Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
