This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
