she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
