in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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