Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
