i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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