well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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