Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
