i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
