he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
