Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
