the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i think i just lost a toe
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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