I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
