I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
