Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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