Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
