How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
