Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
