WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
