I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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