What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
