True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
