walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
