when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
