i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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