Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We are two peas in an std pod
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
