Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
