Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
